Instant Coffee

I have been using instant coffee these days to compensate for the fact that in the office I’d need to actually brew a pot should I want a cup o’ Joe. And this instant coffee is a bottle I had at home that’s been expired since May of ’09. But I just gotta truck on through to use it out since there’s no way I’m going to waste my time making a pot of coffee that others will benefit from.

Now I know why I have to pee so bad. All I drink these days is water and coffee.

Niggadom

Fifi: Do you get offended when people tell you that you sound white? I mean, you speak way whiter than your cousins. When I first saw you I expected you to speak like them, to speak–

Brown Man: –Nigganess?

Fifi: um I was going to say “ghetto”…but yea I guess that works too. So you don’t get offended when people expect you white rather than…”nigganess”? I mean, your cousins- even your father speak more like that than white.

Brown Man: Well in the spectrum of “niggadom” I do revert to some “nigganess” when I’m around my family as you notice.

Fifi: yea I do.

Brown Man: Which makes me more…”niggesque” by nature. Not sure why, I mean I grew up in Queens and still held onto my white speech. Guess I paid attention in school and decided who I don’t want to act like when I grow up. That includes my father and cousins.

Pee Prisoner

I took a leak earlier today and noticed in the mirror that the zipper wasn’t being zipped up as high as it can so I did my dudiligence as a citizen to the world and zipped up high with a bit of struggle. Hours pass by and on my way home I now have to pee again. And I notice that I can’t get the friggin zipper down. Being in a rush to meet with ny fiancée, get home and watch the Yankee game, and to just not untuck my shirt and pull my pants down manually in a stall (level of effort outweighed the heavy bladder), I am now suffering here on the train.

Cute Couple

Fifi (fiancée) and I have a coupley thing we do: we must kiss each other if we say the same word at the same time. It’s inevitable for us to do so because we hang out with each other so much. So our cat began annoying us last night with her assholedness.

“Ugh,” I began. “This friggin cat is so…so…such a…what’s another word to describe her? Such a-”

We said at the same time:

Fifi: “Jew?”

Brown Man: “Jackass?”

“Ooo that’s a kiss!” I said.

“But we didn’t say the same thing,” she said.

“Didn’t we? Didn’t we really?”