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Another Disadvantage of being Brown


Being dark has many disadvantages. Sure, some folk politely say “gee I’d love to have your color, Brownman.” And I refrain from saying “yea but you’d never want to actually BE Indian. Just steal my color like you did my land and still remain white.” But I don’t for fear of an uncomfortable silence where I’m forced to say the obligatory “I’m just playing, I love white people.”

Sorry. Didn’t mean to get so deep. But it brings me to my point of why being this dark is a disadvantage.

Ashy skin.

I mean, c’mon. As if I don’t have enough to worry about being dark – I need to worry that my dark chocolaty skin can be frosted by a white ashy crust? So annoying. This ashyness just sneaks in and snatches onto my elbows or feet. It’s as though my own dark skin is rebelling against being dark by ashing out!

I’m sure the white folk out there would just loooove that, aye?

Shave that chin boy


Brownman: so bust it. this jew dude. new to the company

Brownman: maybe…a month now?

Brownman: we’re all jokey and such…don’t really bust balls or anything. but last night on the way out, i sent a file for review, and he wanted to talk about it, but i sorta snapped and said we’ll chat tomorrow

BrownmanL: today he said “yea u really shot back yesterday” and i said “sorry man, just had to be out and i didn’t have the time to spare.”

Brownman: then he says after a bit “so when are u gonna shave that soul patch u got going there?”

Brownman:  i was like “whuuuut?”

Brownman: “yea…that p-diddy soul patch”

Mrs. Brownman: what????

Brownman: i said “it’s not really a soul patch…but yea, it’s fine.”

Mrs. Brownman: so he’s trying to joke around with u?

Brownman: i think so. and it’s cool to joke around… but when i snapped or talked to him generally…never do i bring in appearance or anything personal. and i dunno…i feel sorta offended. me. of all people. its so random what troubles me

Mrs. Brownman: lol aww…well it is rude what he said. cause it’s not like you’ve open the joke door to him…there’s a certain point in time when it’s cool to start joking with someone. but that’s after u’ve kind of tested the water

Brownman: right. i’m thinking to myself “i never asked u to shave that yamaka  off ur head” to jew boy

Mrs. Brownman: lol

Brownman: cuz traditionally…the chin fuzz is muslim. which is why my grandmother hates it so much

Mrs. Brownman: yeah it’s not like u’ve been lazy growing out ur beard or something

Brownman: so i mean…what if it were a religious thing?

Mrs. Brownman: true

Asians and their habits


Brownman: 2 questions actually.

1) why do elder asians spit so much? they are not jewish, thus no phlegm could build-up from all the hard “h”‘s and many “c”s

Asian Friend: lol I don’t know why…We just like to spit

Brownman: 2) why don’t most asians possess common courtesy? one of them cut me in the line to the ATM machine this morning, and didn’t even end up using the machine right away as she fumbled for her stupid asian atm card. i will not accept “well we can’t see as a race”. that lack-of-vision excuse is old…i want answers dammit. the floor is yours.

Asian Friend: I would have punched her. We asians are superior to all other races. Why should we wait on line?

Brownman:  because you bombed Hawaii. what communist bombs hawaii? clearly your race is no friend of america when you bomb an oasis

Asian Friend: We built the railroads

Brownman: no wonder the trains are always delayed, you built them too curvy…”slanted” if u will

Asian Friend: haha

Brownman: lots of derailment

Asian Friend: i hate you

Customer Service


A summation of what we deal with when addressing Customer Service:
 
http://theoatmeal.com/comics/customer_service

Terrorist? Not me…lest we forget…


I sent this e-mail out today at work (click on the link, it’s safe for work):
 
“What to do when you have an annoying passenger sitting next to you…
 
1. Remove your laptop from your briefcase
2. Open the laptop slowly and carefully
3. Turn it on
4. Make sure that the passenger next to you is looking
5. Access the Internet
6. Close your eyes for a few moments, open again and look up to heaven
7. Take a deep breath and open the site:
 
      http://www.myit-media.de/the_end.html
8. Observe the facial expression of the passenger seating next to you
9. Have a nice trip!”
 
 
Moments later I get this e-mail from the crazy pregnant chick on the e-mail thread:
 
“I guess this would be the wrong time to tell you my father in law and uncle both died on 9/11.
 
J
 
I get the humor in this, but its still hard to laugh.”
 
To which I replied:
 
“Argh. Sorry L ”
 
Despite her sitting across from me I had a problem bringing it up in the office. No need for a lecture.
 
She replied:
 
“Its cool.
Thanks
 
Don’t exclude me from future jokes though”
 
And now I hear her talking to whom I assume is her husband on the phone. “I put a smiley face in it though, I was nice about it…”
 
Ugh. 
 

Club Can’t Hold Indians


This is what’s wrong with us brown people today.

Geographical Facebook Post


You know you cracked up only at one line in particular