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Dose of Her Own Medicine

Again. I do NOT make these things up. I don’t.

The other day I got stuck in another meaningless meeting. But it was one for the ages. There we were as my Cunt of a boss got fired up. She is such a negative person rejecting all proposals to change certain things on the project she was working on. I’m not saying that she has no reason to reject these changes- but she had no reason to be so negative and forceful…even condescending on the changes that were being tossed at her.

“You do not know industry standards recommend we don’t implement the
ideas you’re talking about.” That’s one line. “Things have changed since you last worked on a similar project that I have control of now.” That’s another good one.

And she always gives explanations when you don’t ask for them. “No we can’t implement what you’re asking for.”

“Ok. How about this other nonrelated topic that I’d like to move onto-”

“And the reason why I don’t want to implement your suggestion is because industry studies suggest….”

After receiving one of these comments this guy Ear Candy, who really whispers sweet nothings to the higher ups at this place, snapped. I have never seen him get annoyed. “Don’t knock this change I suggest until you learn about it. If you don’t know about it you should read up on it.”

“What? Oh so I don’t know anything now about my own project? And you’re the authority? Don’t talk to me like I don’t know what I’m doing!!” The room fell silent and the meeting ended shortly after.

So we get back to my desk and began closing up shop since the meeting was late in the day. I then hear sniffling coming from Cunt’s office. I swear she gets so frigging emotional. Emoticunt over there. I knew I didn’t want to get up from my desk ‘cause I’d get sucked into her vacuum of cuntitude. And I was right as I said “good night”.

“Ear Candy is unbelievable right? Was I out of line there?”

How do you answer that…I had no choice but to take my direct boss’ side. “Um well yea that was some situation.”

“And he was totally belittling me right?”

“The company needs direction.”

That’s pretty much the conversation there. I’d try and give answers that weren’t specific enough but had an agreeable tone. I’m sure she saw it as me agreeing with her full on because I forget she’s a foreigner.

“What do I do now? I’m so fucking mad right now!” she continued.

“Well I’m sure there’s a lot of traffic now. By the time you get home you’ll be fine.” I know, not something a crying cunt wants to hear but I could care less.

“Go home, Brownman, it’s late. Go to your wife.” Damn straight I will. I’ll go home to someone that’s rational and can control her emotions. Good luck to your husband.

The next day Cunt shows me an e-mail of her essentially reprimanding Ear Candy and asking to be treated like an adult. He apologized in response. She said she needed record of her trying to resolve it. But of course she wanted more attention and sympathy so she then went to our VP and began talking to everyone else in that meeting about the incident via speakerphone. What a bitch.


Fit To Be Boss

Our wondrous Cunt of a boss just essentially told Coworker that he will never make any more money than what he is making now here at “Tired”. Cunt told him that his position will never grow into anything more, and that he needs to stop being so ambitious with all his suggestions. Rather, he is to do as he is told.

What kind of boss says this to her subordinates?

Ah, the kind that a former coworker of mine refers to. He had worked with Cunt at a previous job where he was the agency servicing her company. Apparently, she is nothing more than a robot who was never a manager prior to Tired. Can you believe that? I can. She is as organized as a chick who just moved out of parent’s house and living on her own to “live her own life”. But Cunt isn’t a 20 year old chick trying to prove anything. She’s an older immigrant trying to prove something…

Clearly one of the things she’s trying to prove is that she is in charge here and no one can take her spot. Nor do we know any better than her.

Darkie and Brownman Adventures

I recall a pre-adult-Brownman-time when a friend of mine and I were getting ready to join some people for a trip to Six Flags Great Adventures. It’s the nearest theme park to New York for those 1 of you that may not know; and you wait on line an hour per ride. My friend, we’ll call him Darkie due to his intense dark color, was drinking along with me in my parent’s basement the night before…we must have been 19 years old at the time. We had come back from the club so it was around 3AM and then hit the AOL chat rooms.

Yes, it was a while ago so AOL chat rooms were the thing for us Indians. Darkie was busy seeing what girl he could get to meet him because for some reason Indian chicks didn’t have an issue meeting dudes from the internet at the time. So we continued what seems to be a lame after-club-party with drinking and online chatting right before heading to Six Flags.

Around 7AM about an hour before we were supposed to leave, Darkie was going to go home (which was next door to me) and get ready. We were pretty drunk at this point. How drunk? Ugh why did you ask? At one point my stereo was on and we were grinding the basement poles actually pretending they were chicks. Yes. We were that lame.

“This is how I grind them hoes in the club!” I yelled over the music as I continued to gyrate.

“I give it to them like this!” Darkie yelled as he bent over and looked more like was taking “this” rather than “giving” it.

An hour later I am ringing Darkie’s doorbell like crazy. Nothing. After a few more rings his mother lets me in and I find Darkie in a bathroom with puke in the bowl before him. Needless to say, Darkie didn’t make the trip out to Six Flags.

Early Wednesday Morning…

Wowsers readers! What time is it? Ah 9:04 AM and Cunt of a boss is already fired up. She’s on speakerphone again, this time talking to who I assume is her husband. And I kid you not; the conversation went something like this from where I began listening:

“What are you talking about?” she said.

“That’s what they told me,” said the dude.

“And you took it like that? You can’t. I need you to talk to them again.”

“The carpet is going to be like that-“

“No! I need you to speak up. You need to tell them how it’s going to be. Stop taking anything they say as truth.”

“I guess…”

“No! You KNOW.”


Wow. As you can expect Cunt was divorced once and I guess this new husband is the dude that couldn’t get anyone to like him except a tyrant like Cunt. Or, Cunt drugged him with Russian Quaaludes and he woke up at the altar…

No One Else To Tell

Brownman: that’s rare to like your job
Brownman: ugh
Brownman: got a hard on wtf

Tex Mex: what’s rare? talking to me u got a hard on? ewwwwwwwwww bro

Brownman: oh nah its rare to like a job, common to get a hard on
Brownman: Mrs. Brownman isnt online yet so i had to tell someone

Wedding Gifts

Let’s wrap up the winning, the losing, and the weird gifts from our July wedding. This includes gifts from as early as the bridal shower back sometime in May to August.

Gifts that I don’t see a use for…aka the losing gifts:

-Nothing. Yup, those that said they were coming and didn’t, along with sending no gifts: I have no use for nothing.

-A juicer machine. I’m sorry- but who actually uses a machine outside of a blender to blend their fruits?

-A candle holder. Well not just any candle holder, because we had a few ordinary candle holders. This one, with candles on it, will look very gothic.

-Green place mats and towels. They match each other, just not our kitchen.

-Lemons. Yup. Plastic lemons. Picture is below.

Some winners for the wedding:

-Money. Yup, even the $50 from a family of 4…we’ll take it I guess with the assumption that we’ll never invite them to anything ever again.

-Things on our registry. A novel idea- anyone that actually looked at our registry and decided to go with even the cheapest thing on it comes out a winner because we can actually use the things we want. Novel idea.

-IPad. M’lady is the one using it and she loves it.

-Security. We needed a sense of security with all my minority people in one building. Especially after 2 known fights outside of the wedding among the invited. So we were given the gift of a security dude patrolling the floors when I would have no idea how to rent a guy myself.

You Know You’re in the Bronx When…

…you’re going back to your car from a Yankees game and you see a Spanish dude being carried away in handcuffs by the cops. See below for illustrative purposes. Zoom in if you can’t see the Juan in this pic.