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Goo


I get little pop ups throughout the day for e-mails I receive to my personal e-mail. The pop ups just show a certain amount of characters before it cuts off the rest of the “From” and “Subject” lines. I couldn’t help but chuckle when I saw an unread e-mail from “Dicks Sporting Goo” Yummy. Sounds like something only a woman or gay dude can stomach.

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Conversations of the Cunt Boss in Just 1 Day


Conversations of the Cunt

Convo 1

[09:57] Brownman: Cunt of a boss wants me to find a job description for my job
[09:57] Brownman: she cant find one

[09:58] Mrs. Brownman: ha
[09:58] Mrs. Brownman: FTB (fuck that bitch!)

[09:58] Brownman: YES
[09:58] Brownman: im gonna say i cant find one
[09:58] Brownman: u dont know what ur seeking for in the position?

[09:58] Mrs. Brownman: she can at least do one part of her job can’t she?

[09:58] Brownman: what- manage?
[09:58] Brownman: hahaha

Convo 2

[10:04] Coworker: do you think she is that socially retarded
[10:04] Coworker: or
[10:04] Coworker: just a mean person

[10:04] Brownman: a+b = her
[10:04] Brownman: all of the above
[10:04] Brownman: a mean retard
[10:04] Brownman: hahaha

[10:04] Coworker: yah your right
[10:04] Coworker: haha

Convo 3

[11:35] Coworker: she acts like she is doin the job which she ends up
telling YOU to do anyway
[11:35] Coworker: like its a pain in her ass

[11:36] Brownman: right? as though its really a hassle and shes going
to cry as she asks to do it

[11:36] Coworker: LOL she is
[11:36] Coworker: she hates ANYONE asking anything from us

[11:37] Brownman: and i hate HER
[11:37] Brownman: hahah

[11:37] Coworker: ahha
[11:37] Coworker: shes so negative
[11:37] Coworker: as a person
[11:37] Coworker: in casual convo
[11:38] Coworker: she brings up such negative shit
[11:38] Coworker: “did you know Long Island has the highest cancer rate?”
[11:38] Coworker: thats what she says after I say “my sister is an engineer”
[11:38] Coworker: i was like HUH

[11:39] Brownman: STFU
[11:39] Brownman: LMAO
[11:39] Brownman: im dying here
[11:39] Brownman: hahahaha

[11:39] Coworker: i was telling her my sis makes over 65K a year
[11:39] Coworker: & she says ahhh thats not a lot

[11:40] Brownman: WHAT

[11:40] Coworker: I was like “for a 25-26 year old? thats awesome”

[11:40] Brownman: I am so outta here.

I’ve Seen Things Man


This morning we were left with no other option but to take Fifi (fiancée) to the hospital. Fifi has a wicked virus that won’t go away for a few days now. What was she told to take? Tylenol and Advil. Needless to say we ended up in the emergency room 2 days after seeing the doctor that makes more money than all my 2 readers combined.

7 hours in a room with 3 withering patients can make you start making deals such as:

-Beat me with a blunt object the second I begin to wrinkle
-When God doesn’t accept my deal to keep me young please ship me off to an oven
-Don’t let my kids clean my poo

There was an old lady that was sound asleep until later in the day when they put Fifi in the hallway to wait out the rest of her stay. Through the window I saw saggy skin flap in angst as she tried to get out of bed before a nurse convinced her to urinate in the diapers she already wore.

There was a guy that refused to go home when Fifi and I were begging to leave. This dude swore he’ll just end up in the hospital again, and the nurses agreed because he continued to drink but in the interim, he was cleared for discharge.

But nothing topped the crazy spazzing dude next to us. I swear, if Fifi allows me get to his physical state I will ascend into heaven and divorce her ass prior to dropping off to pergatory. He had a tube in his nose, could not talk nor move without help, and clearly was not able to walk in ages…see the picture below. Zoom in and you’ll see, that’s homeboy’s toes all curled and spaced out (it’s the foot to the left closest to the camera).

He gurgled a lot, made freaky moans…I was ready to use him for a Halloween party. Him and his gurney were invited.

And to top it all off, we saw a woman that’s way more huge than that Precious chick. She was just one square block plopped onto a gurney lying there in pain. I felt like I was in a carnival. Guess life can always be worse.