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Another Disadvantage of being Brown

Being dark has many disadvantages. Sure, some folk politely say “gee I’d love to have your color, Brownman.” And I refrain from saying “yea but you’d never want to actually BE Indian. Just steal my color like you did my land and still remain white.” But I don’t for fear of an uncomfortable silence where I’m forced to say the obligatory “I’m just playing, I love white people.”

Sorry. Didn’t mean to get so deep. But it brings me to my point of why being this dark is a disadvantage.

Ashy skin.

I mean, c’mon. As if I don’t have enough to worry about being dark – I need to worry that my dark chocolaty skin can be frosted by a white ashy crust? So annoying. This ashyness just sneaks in and snatches onto my elbows or feet. It’s as though my own dark skin is rebelling against being dark by ashing out!

I’m sure the white folk out there would just loooove that, aye?


History Lesson

[08:47] Tex Mex: ok, so i will start with this
[08:47] Tex Mex: which ethnic group do you think has the hardest time determining if a child is theirs. Blacks? Orientals? Indians? Hispanics? or Blacks?

[08:48] Brownman: hispanics
[08:48] Brownman: cuz they doing everyone and everything

[08:48] Bellies: blacks
[08:49] Bellies: cause they dont know who the baby daddy is

[08:49] Tex Mex: although funny Brownman, i meant a serious answer
[08:49] Tex Mex: not about baby daddy
[08:49] Tex Mex: about being able to look at a kid and really have an easy time seeing that the kid looks like them
[08:49] Tex Mex: I’d say blacks with orientals soon to follow

[08:49] Bellies: blacks

[08:50] Tex Mex: and by the way, i believe Brownman is biased towards hispanics
[08:50] Tex Mex: my opinion

[08:51] Brownman: based on all the kids these days…primarily the cheating hispanics…why wouldnt they be the ones trying to determine who the baby daddy?
[08:51] Brownman: oooh
[08:51] Brownman: oooh
[08:51] Brownman: my bad…didnt read Tex Mex’s full comment
[08:51] Brownman: lol
[08:51] Brownman: yea- asian

[08:54] Tex Mex: prime example of his biased thoughts towards hispanics,
[08:54] Tex Mex: i am shocked that u actually speak to me considering how u think of my ethnic background

[08:54] Brownman: know why im angry at hispanics today?
[08:54] Brownman: cuz of saved by the bell
[08:54] Brownman: and that college years episode
[08:55] Brownman: where slater finds his chicano identity
[08:55] Brownman: hate that episode

[08:58] Tex Mex: lmao

[09:01] Brownman: of all the races
[09:01] Brownman: who do u think makes the most noise about where they are from?
[09:02] Brownman: pride is one thing, but i mean…annoying noise

[09:02] Bellies: hispanics

[09:02] Brownman: agreed

[09:02] Tex Mex: WELL US, OF COURSE
[09:03] Tex Mex: See the reason why is that its inscribed into our inner selves to never forget where we come from
[09:03] Tex Mex: Bellies is a rare case

[09:04] Brownman: i agree one should never forget…well those that are born here cant remember
[09:05] Brownman: but i mean…i feel hispanics make it seem like they had struggles
[09:05] Brownman: and i feel like one of the biggest struggles were blacks
[09:05] Brownman: well original blacks
[09:05] Brownman: not current blacks

[09:06] Tex Mex: well ironically so did hispanics, spaniard dominance of the southern and central american lands was also like slavery faced by blacks here in the US of a

[09:15] Bellies: history

[09:16] Tex Mex: YES, HISTORY

[09:19] Brownman: cute

Ball Bowling

What’s wrong with white dudes? They really have no shame. I dude at work sitting within striking distance of me must have seen that I’m gone for a while and discovers me in the restroom washing my hands. What do you think I did in their for some time? No, not wacking it because I don’t know that I wash my hands afterward…

The funny thing is he gets in there, and goes into the stall I was just in, plops down without using a toilet seat cover, and goes to town. He then proceeds to inhale deeply- he sounded a bit stuffy so that explains him not recognizing what went down a few moments ago from myself. But seriously, balls-to-bowl is just asking for something gonorrhea-like on a floor that shares 1 men’s restroom with another company that’s 99% all male (there’s a female receptionist).

Never Forget

Look, I am for the remembrance of our fallen after 9/11. I will never forget. Will you? Probably not unless you are that into yourself or didn’t own a TV the last 8 years.

But friggin Social Networks like Facebook make sure all your friends let you know they didn’t forget. Oh, a quick “I remember” statement would do the trick and I’d move on. But these bastards are writing their story of that day. Yah, the play-by-play of what they were doing when the Towers were struck. Way to make it about you guys. Some friends. Shoot, I posted my status on Facebook as me going on a man date today!

But what’s interesting is that my man date is right by the Towers. So clearly I’ll have no chance of forgetting. Great day for a man date.

My only 9/11 story is not even worth telling- except the part where I originally wanted to go down there to see what was going on after Howard Stern announced the attack. I guess my natural reaction is to just act like a white person.

Sigh. Here I go, downtown. To the WTC area. An Indian guy who will be mistaken as Muslim. Going downtown on the most anti-Indian day ever.

Brown Man, White Suburban City

As mentioned earlier we went to a Blink 182 concert on Tuesday. Very late. We ended up catching the last song of Weezer and they sounded like they brought the house down. Sigh. One can argue that I am a white person at heart.

Being this white guy trapped in a burnt body I feel awkward going to these concerts on Jones Beach where all the white teens crowd the stadium. I have no idea to do with myself when the bands play…I mean I shimmy a bit to the beat and mouth the words I know all while standing. But I can’t help but feel people looking at me since I am the ONLY Indian-like dude in the stadium that I could see. There were a few, and I mean FEW blacks in the crowd so I guess it’s only natural to feel that everyone behind me in the crowd takes a glance to see me mouth Blink 182 songs for verification that I even belong there.

When there was a break before Blink went on stage, Fifi (fiancee) and I were chatting a bit and tossing each other a kiss here and there. I heard someone behind me say “she’s his vanilla” and I can only assume they were talking about us. I wasn’t offended at all, the person didn’t sound hateful so I decided to not make a scene despite my natural minority instincts acting up.

But you know what? I’ll keep going to these concerts. I see half the people in the crowd just standing there quiet while I’m the one bobbing my head and singing what I can. It isn’t a competition to see who is the bigger fan- just vindication that I know I belong there as much as the next white guy. I am a modern day Martin Luther Indian King.

This Game Is Super White

As mentioned I use EA Active on the Wii. And it incorporates a bunch of “fun” exercises including some dance steps. I gotta admit- I am at a loss here at times. It calls for me to do the “lawn mower” dance move…and I miss a couple of steps because I need to watch the other people on screen demonstrate that the “lawn mower” is a move that simply requires you to start a lawn mower in slow motion. Okay.

Then there’s “raise the roof”. Got that, not as white. Then there’s the “shopping cart”. Now thinking like a white person I did the motion of me pushing a shopping cart. But the animated characters on the screen are mimicking placing items into a shopping cart. What the hell!??!? This game was not made for the pigmentally endowed like myself.

Crackering Cracka

Fifi’s very white mother is quite oblivious to a few things. She’s very innocent even at her age and still has a lot of slang to learn. While sipping on alcohol Fifi, her steppops, and sister spent a good 10 minutes reexplaining what a “cracka” is. The derogatory kind of “cracka”. Not me, I felt way out of place to explain what us minorities call her people. She absorbed and accepted that she is a “cracka” and not “cracker” as her people would use the “n” word in the same sense.

I did defend my Indianesque people though- we don’t use “cracka” or “honkey” to describe Caucasians. Nay, we simply say “the white mon” or “them white people”. I think we’re one of few races that actually respect the whites since we have a common enemy.

Oh no, people! Not THAT common enemy! You’re so racist! We love blacks too! Sheesh. I meant AIDS.