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English Jew on Fire


Brownman: i wanna ask English her weight. based on height and girth, i think we weigh almost the same. so the other day (stop me if i told u this), they got cupcakes on Good Friday and she started talking about how its passover…and she cant have cupcakes, and it isnt fair cuz she’s (all of a sudden) jewish. So goes on to say that she and this other chick in the office (who is also jewish, lesbian-style) are gonna bring in motzah balls and not share with us non-Jews

Mrs. Brownman: lol wow

Brownman: blah blah whine whine about jewishness

Mrs. Brownman: douchey

Brownman:  A coworker dude was saying that in the conference room (only a few feet away) they heard her whine with the door closed during this rant. Him and whoever else was in the room began bitching her out instead of carrying on with his meeting. She always complains!

Brownman: and then today she says how if u have a dog, the dog has to eat kosher too.

else u gotta give the dog to someone to watch during Passover.

Mrs. Brownman: lol WHAT?

Brownman: well u know what u hoe beast? apologize for taking our savior and innocently killing a man, then maybe we will respect one of your 450 holidays

Mrs. Brownman: lol for realz and as reparations u should give us cupcakes

Brownman: yes filled with unkosher goodness

Mrs. Brownman: while u eat balls

Brownman: yes, ur motzy messy balls can be enjoyed year-round…i dont care if u eat them in front of me in ur chosen elite club. she says some really inappropriate anti-christian stuff i swear. i heard one time there were christian activities going on downstairs outside the office building. and she said “oh those crazy christians are at it again” Coworker dude was baffled…cuz he said he was the christian she told that too. i mean…ur telling me curling ur side burns, not showering, and wearing nerf frizbees isnt crazy? touching food and calling it kosher isnt extreme?

Loss in the Family


My poor wife recently lost her grandmother over the weekend. Not cool, but we’re glad she’s off in a better place with her husband who passed 9 years earlier. We were also glad to have seen her off on her journey before passing; naturally it broke my heart to see the entire family so broken. Her death was swift and unexpected while in the hospital, but it helps that she didn’t put the entire family through months or years of being ill: certainly a toll on everyone at that point.

My wife’s grandmother was a huge Boston sports fan. She bided the family adieu early Sunday AM, and on Saturday the Bruins just came off a double OT win and the Red Sox beat the Angels out on the west coast an hour or 2 earlier.

Brownman: celtics also had won yesterday for your granmoms. good for her

Mrs. Brownman: aw that’s right

Brownman: write down which NY team doesnt win for me if im the first of us to go. then please send an angry letter to them. drop multiple “C” words for me. i like that word

Mrs. Brownman: lol ok

Women Give Men Oral Cancer


As per this article:

http://articles.nydailynews.com/2011-02-22/entertainment/28639602_1_oral-cancer-hpv-vaccines-cervical-cancer

Black dudes were always right. Don’t go down on a bitch.

“Researchers found a 225% increase in oral cancer cases in the U.S. from 1974 to 2007, mainly among white men… The more oral-sex partners a man had, the greater his cancer risk”

What if it’s a dark dude with white chicks? Guess it doesn’t really matter because the darker you are the less likely you are to engage in much oraling. I mean, sex is just good. Why put your woman at risk for a UTI or yeast-escapade when your penis is probably one of the more cleaner parts of the body, sans balls.

Women Ain’t Entitled


I’m not happy how entitled women are feeling these days. F that. I get to the elevator, and by default I’ll let the ugliest most fattest broad in the world get on before I do. But these hoebags get there and don’t even wait for me to offer my spot on the invisible line for the elevator. They cut me off and walk right up to the doors when they hear that “ding!” What kinda bullspit is that? They do the same crap when they walk on the streets or wait to go up the escalators. Skip me as if I’m some Third World worker. Bitch, I make more than you by default because of my tiny pecker- back of the line like the ugly slut you are.

Still Alive


I got a second lease on life. I was excited because I’ll be going to a football game for my birthday this year, and I told Mrs. Brownman “yay! Birthday game! Yay turning 32!”

She said “you’re turning 31.”

I thought that one over for a bit. “Oh snap, yay! I just bought myself a full year! I’m gonna live it up now! Hooray 31!”

Guess old age isn’t agreeing with me yet.

Pass this over


Sorry for the hiatus from blogging. I can’t decide if this is fun anymore. But I digress.

No, I’m not Jewish so I wasn’t celebrating. But funny you brought that up. We got this chick at work that is all-of-a-sudden Jew because she heard that there’s a free trip to Israel if you are in fact Jewish. I’ve referenced her as “English” in the past. English has become hardcore Jew since her trip from what I’m told, even though her mother isn’t the one who’s Jewish.

In her out-of-office e-mail this past Tuesday, she put “I’m out of the office for Passover…” Really? You gotta let the world know why you’re out…especially ‘cause of Passover? What if that offends me?

Which it should offend me. I mean, when she left for her Passoverings Monday night she let us all know she’ll be out for Passover but still working late at night. As she said good night a coworker replied “happy holiday”. I wanted to say “yea, thanks for killing my savior you hoe”.

Hmm, maybe I do like blogging. Very therapeutic.

Shave that chin boy


Brownman: so bust it. this jew dude. new to the company

Brownman: maybe…a month now?

Brownman: we’re all jokey and such…don’t really bust balls or anything. but last night on the way out, i sent a file for review, and he wanted to talk about it, but i sorta snapped and said we’ll chat tomorrow

BrownmanL: today he said “yea u really shot back yesterday” and i said “sorry man, just had to be out and i didn’t have the time to spare.”

Brownman: then he says after a bit “so when are u gonna shave that soul patch u got going there?”

Brownman:  i was like “whuuuut?”

Brownman: “yea…that p-diddy soul patch”

Mrs. Brownman: what????

Brownman: i said “it’s not really a soul patch…but yea, it’s fine.”

Mrs. Brownman: so he’s trying to joke around with u?

Brownman: i think so. and it’s cool to joke around… but when i snapped or talked to him generally…never do i bring in appearance or anything personal. and i dunno…i feel sorta offended. me. of all people. its so random what troubles me

Mrs. Brownman: lol aww…well it is rude what he said. cause it’s not like you’ve open the joke door to him…there’s a certain point in time when it’s cool to start joking with someone. but that’s after u’ve kind of tested the water

Brownman: right. i’m thinking to myself “i never asked u to shave that yamaka  off ur head” to jew boy

Mrs. Brownman: lol

Brownman: cuz traditionally…the chin fuzz is muslim. which is why my grandmother hates it so much

Mrs. Brownman: yeah it’s not like u’ve been lazy growing out ur beard or something

Brownman: so i mean…what if it were a religious thing?

Mrs. Brownman: true