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Movie Review: Insidious


I went with 7-8 male coworkers the other day for a “boys night out” viewing of the movie “Insidious”. To sum up: 8 dudes, dark theater, and a scary movie. I think we messed the night up by passing up on bars to chew on franks and nuts while jumping in our seats.

That aside, I must admit it’s weird not seeing a movie with Mrs. Brownman. I opted to sit by myself 1 row in front of the other dudes so I can just turn around and keep up with all the conversations. So essentially I was by myself and felt like more of a loser than had I just sat next to one of the dudes. I’ll say it. Movies must suck if you’re single.

On to the movie. It was shot with real actors as the “demons” in this horror movie and delivered a throwback to old school horror flicks: scary parts happened when you expected them thanks to the loud ass music. It was almost scary to see a shadow accompanied by a loud bang on the piano. Simple yet classic. So chalk up a point for the way the movie was shot.

The plot- eh it’s alright. I found myself laughing a lot during the movie. Absurd in some areas, the acting/casting was weird…especially the lead chick. She played “Jackie Q” in “Get Him to the Greek” so it was weird to see someone with a British accent singing about anal sex now play the role of a scared mother.

Do you get scared in this movie? Not to the point where you believe these things will come and get you. Do you enjoy the concept? Sure. You can appreciate the homage this movie pays to some of the older movies we grew up with. 3.1 Poop Sticks. I felt a bit relieved that I saw this movie- 3.1 Poop Turds’ worth. Delicious. No 5 Sticks because I still wanna come home and fear I might shat my pants.

Movie Review: The Last Exorcism


Ah The Last Exorcism. So much potential here. So far from a couple of movie fanatics I can say that there hasn’t been a horror film shot like this. It’s a documentary with interviews similar to The Office or Parks & Recreations sitcoms on NBC. This horror flick wasn’t based on any true events- a key for my interest. Either way I love me a good exorcism. Especially when I watch it with Mrs. Brownman- homegirl draws the strings of her hoodie tight and braces for scary-scene impact.

The documentary style of this film was cool. I can see the way this movie was shot and the concept of a faithless minister would warrant a 72% from Rotten Tomatoes. But then there’s the rest of the story. I won’t give much away except for the mere fact that it sucked. And there wasn’t enough scary scenes to even call this a horror movie. The ending of the movie sort of offered some redemption. But not enough to make up for little scare and an at-times weak plot.

I ask that you see this movie for me. And for free. I need to know if I’m wrong here. Mrs. Brownman felt the movie sucked…but there is something here. Something. Am I possessed myself where I am scared to give this thing any less than 4 Poop Sticks? I know it was at best 3.1 Poop Sticks out of 5. I’ll go with 3.2 Poop Sticks. Something to watch and perhaps approach with more of an artist’s mind rather than someone who wants to get scared poopless.

Outsourced


Mrs. Brownman and I began watching the new NBC series “Outsourced” last night from our DVR stash. We definitely feel the show has potential because there’s a world of similarity here with a white dude being thrown into a sea of Indian people.

“Wow it’s like being at one of your family parties,” Mrs. B said as we watched the lone white guy looking for a place to sit in a lunchroom filled with Indian workers. His job was outsourced to India and my white wife felt the same way since she’s usually the only white person at my family functions.

Clearly it’s similar when white folk usually don’t keep close ties with their family.

“Do you know that Indian person?” she continued.

“No.”

“How about that one?”

“Dammit no.”

“Do you know the song they’re playing in the background?”

“Ugh no.”

“How about this one?”

“Crap. Yes.”

“Haha! I was bound to score!”

This is going to be a long series. But dammit the show is kinda funny, I need to see more of my brothers.

Movie Review: Up


Yup, saw “Up”. I know, “Johnny-come-late” over here. We had borrowed the movie from my sister for at least a few months now and did not get to watch it because Fifi (fiancée) feared she would cry based on all the feedback we’ve heard regarding this movie.

And then we saw it. And then we realized: “cry over a cartoon? Bullocks!”

This movie was once again another overhyped movie. I get it, it’s a children movie and I shouldn’t expect awesome “Dude Where’s My Car” acting and a riveting “Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle” plotline. But in a world where these cartoons are getting better with the picture and more engrossing with the plotlines for the adults taking these kids, “Up” just falls short. The story was kind of week, and I didn’t cry. At the very least if a movie is going to have a lame villain and queer character, it should make my fiancée cry to say “well the movie made my hoe cry.”

I don’t get why a movie makes folk cry, so I am fascinated when they do. If Fifi would have cried, well then at least the movie wouldn’t be a total loss.

I give this movie 2.5 Poop Sticks out of a mammoth 5. Yup, no poops here. Just dusty farts.

Movie Review: Youth in Revolt


Where do I begin? I mean, here we have a movie that people took the time to make. The commercials and PR campaigns with cast members from Jersey Shore were brilliant. They even said “featuring the guy from The Hangover” – I forget his name but it’s the dumbass with the beard. Funny in the Hangover.

And we left the theater feeling like we were on one big acid trip. This movie, surely based on a decent book, sucked on the big screen. Let’s forget the fact that you only giggled once every 7 minutes- laughed out loud once every hour. Let’s forget all the random hippie cartoons. There was just horrible script writing, a lame plot, and misuse of talent.

There’s some funny cast members here- they’ve done some good comic movies in the past. In Youth in Revolt- these guys are all weird. If you tell me I just don’t understand the premise and beauty of this movie, I’ll accuse you of being one of the reviewers who gave this heap of shit for a movie a good review in the papers.

Fifi (fiancée) wanted to watch Superbad when we got home just to have Michael Cera redeem himself from being a lame guy in love and revolt for a lamer chic. 1 Poop Stick. I give it 1 whole stick because it was able to keep me awake waiting for the comedy to begin after 1.5 hours. What little I saw of Sherlock Holmes was better than this (I slept in the theater while watching Holmes).

Movie Review: The Goods


Let’s just skip all the cutesy commentary: The Goods starring that dude Ari from Entourage should be called “The Craps,” because it left a harsh feeling in my tummy. I could crap painful Poop Sticks but don’t mount to solid ones to give this movie anything. Nothing. NO Poop Sticks for you, The Goods.

There were random funny lines, but in the end we turned this movie off in favor of the crappy horror movie Silent Hill. 0.0 Poop Sticks. Move on. Let’s talk about something else. Like balding eagles. Tee hee. “Eagles”.