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WTH I like Avril


Brownman: “all my life ive been good but now
Brownman: im like
Brownman: whhhaat
Brownman: the hell”
Brownman: oh that avril and her catchy ways

Mrs. Brownman: what?
Mrs. Brownman: oh Avril Lavigne
Mrs. Brownman: u weirdo

Brownman: suck these nuts wench
Brownman: furry too
Brownman: till i manscape saturday

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Hot Toddy


Mrs. Brownman: i’m a cool kimosabe and your body is my hobby

Brownman: and im a horny toad and ur vag my lily pad

Mrs. Brownman: 😀

Brownman: what song is ur line from?

Mrs. Brownman: “hot toddy” from Usher

Brownman: ah mine is from “hot burning loins”…B flat of course

Mrs. Brownman: LOL

Farewell Limewire


For all us minorities, we have lost a major force in our culture. It is called Limewire, the free software that allows us to “share” music. Granted, I know it isn’t fair to use this program to “share” music for free while gypping the artists that put out the music…but what minority doesn’t want a “steal” of a deal? I am against buying an album for only 1 decent song…and I don’t like paying the tax for 1 song via iTunes. It’s stupid- Apple charges you $1.29 when we all know that it’s $1.09 when you charge proper tax on $0.99 items (minorities hit up the Dollar Menu from McDonald’s a lot).

Limewire is being investigated by the Government and the software is shutdown. Whoa is me. Please leave your suggestions as to where I can turn to. Thanks.

Brownman’s DJ Gig


The Brownman DJs parties once in a while like many minorities. I’m not the greatest, but I did the best I could with a sprained pointer finger. I actually tried DJing without the splint I have on it now but the pain from it being in a set position for a few days was too unbearable. At one point during my DJ gig I accidentally stopped a song because the clunky thing touched a button on my mixer. I think that will haunt me for a long time.

But onto the wedding I DJ’d! It was a mixing of many races that surely I must have SOME stories. We knew the bride and groom and some of the people at the wedding…

>Mrs. Brownman has beautiful blue eyes. No, not the Indian hazel that you see in the movies or in your Accounting Department. Remember, she’s white so she has awesome blue white-people eyes. She was getting her makeup done among many Asians who were also getting dolled up for this wedding. As blunt as they are, Mrs. Brownman was still taken aback when one older Asian lady said: “Ah, the makeup makes your eyes pop! You no see them before, but now- now we know your eyes blue!”

A younger Asian person corrected the oldie: “What do you mean? You always knew her eyes blue…they’re the first things you notice!”

Oldie: “No no, NOW they pop. Makeup makes the eyes pop NOW!”

Ah older Asians and their backhanded compliments…or blunt conversations, whichever will work fine here.

>I had to announce the tables that were allowed to go up and serve themselves at the buffet. There were a few tables that the maitre d’ didn’t allow me to call for a while because the line on their side was way too long. A while passed, I admit, before I pulled the maitre d’ and asked when I can call them.

“Oh, they got up already. They said they couldn’t wait.”

Later on I went to the table because Mrs. Brownman was sitting there and I joked with the other guests “hey guys! I see you all are eating despite not being called…”

“Sorry, Brownman,” said a Spanish guy of the bunch, “we’re minorities. Brown people go eat.”

Touché.

>Another Spanish guy we know, we’ll call him “Corona”, passed by the DJ table multiple times. He stares at me figuring I already knew what he was doing as he would never be on the dance floor supporting my DJ efforts. After a few times I caught on- he’d pass by again on the way back to his seat with drinks in his hands.

“Why not man?” he said, “it’s free!”

Ah my fellow minorities. I’d do the same thing…but instead I’d also be on the dance floor leaving my drinks half-consumed all over the place knowing I can just grab a next one when I’m ready.

>The “man of honor” – a gay Asian dude who served as the maid of honor – caught the tossed bouquet. Prior to that the groom’s nephew, a 8 or 9 year old little stud, caught the garter belt. I still made the little boy put the garter on the man of honor. Sick? Probably. Great photos? Likely!

Later on in the night the boy came by and I asked if he had fun putting on the garter. He said it was funny. Then he asked me to choose a photo of him taken from a rented photo booth to keep. Not sure I need photos of a little boy but I picked one where he wasn’t with family members and he signed it for me. Thanks I guess?

>I got a song request from some Asian guy for this up and coming song “No Speak Americano”. I thought that was a good choice to get some new music injected to this cliché-laden wedding. So I play the song.

And Asian guy is just bumping from his chair while everyone else on the dance floor tries to decipher what this new sound is that penetrates their ears. I assumed Asian guy would be dancing his ass off due to the excitement he exuded from his chair…but alas, there he stood while flies tried to avoid flying into his pointy hair.

Birthday On Broadway


I was also recently tasked with playing music for a boy’s 16th birthday party. A Sweet 16, if you will, for a budding young boy. Now this Indian man known as Brown has no problem playing for the white boy and his teeny friends despite it being an odd concept: a Sweet 16 for a young man. It’s just a bit of a challenge when you have to play for a 16 year old boy who is in the Drama (aka Theater) Club. A boy that’s in a Drama Club, smiles very little, and acts the diva role very well.

An hour in to playing music, I get a request from him to play from his ipod. The song? Something from Aida and later on another song from Rent. 2 Broadway songs, and boy did the crowd act the part. Synchronized dancing ensued along with limber motions where I felt the birthday boy might break at any moment.

But I accept this boy’s Broadway moves and his Sweet 16. What I don’t accept is the smell of feet all his friends emitted in my direction. Teenagers smell in general I suppose…but don’t they get out of school early enough to hit the showers?

The b-day boy also had another request. His friend was going to ask a girl to Homecoming.

“Homecoming…to….what’s he coming home to?”

“No!” b-day boy said “Homecoming. The dance.”

“OH!! Sorry, I forgot my Saved by the Bell episodes. We never had Homecoming where I come from.”

I realize now I sound like I come from a 3rd world country, but I meant we didn’t have Homecomings in New York City schools.

What Language Is That?


[14:16] Tex Mex: Brown Man
[14:17] Tex Mex: what raggae song goes
[14:17] Tex Mex: “pruuuummm”
[14:17] Tex Mex: “let me go shulup prrrrrrrrummmmmmmmm”
[14:17] Tex Mex: something like that

[14:17] Bellies: LOL

[14:18] Brownman: what…
[14:18] Brownman: the…
[14:18] Brownman: hellll are u talking about
[14:18] Brownman: sounds like ur choking on multiple schlongs

[14:18] Bellies: lol

[14:18] Brownman: nice thick churiso for u

[14:18] Tex Mex: dude
[14:18] Tex Mex: think back
[14:19] Tex Mex: old reggae song
[14:19] Tex Mex: it goes prrrrrrrrruuuummmmmmmmm

[14:19] Brownman: um that sounds more african

[14:19] Tex Mex: no nigga
[14:19] Tex Mex: wtf

[14:19] Brownman: pruum?
[14:20] Brownman: this doesn’t translate well over IM
[14:20] Brownman: u wanna call me and sing to me?

[14:20] Tex Mex: yes what is ur work number

[14:20] Brownman: lmao
[14:20] Brownman: u want me to turn on the candles?
[14:20] Brownman: dim the lights

[14:20] Bellies: LOL

[14:21] Tex Mex: ur an asshole

[14:21] Brownman: call me at (XX)

[14:21] Bellies: LOL

[14:22] Brownman: LMAO this is too funny

[14:22] Tex Mex: fucking guy
[14:22] Tex Mex: jajajajaj

[14:22] Brownman: he called me, Bellies
[14:22] Brownman: it was so sweet

[14:22] Tex Mex: jajajaj

[14:23] Bellies: LMAO

[14:27] Brownman: i picked up the phone when he called
[14:27] Brownman: and was whispered “sing to meeee”
[14:28] Brownman: so romantic

Music in the 2000s


How do you remember the blazing 00’s (2000-2009) in terms of music? During my short life so far the decades were somewhat distinguished.

The 80’s were very synthetic drums and ballad-heavy. Even some freestyle-Greek/Guido kinda tunes with TKA and their “Maria” beats.

90’s? I think Pop became more prevalent and the dawn of denying the liking of certain types of music was the thing to do.

“Mariah Carey? Nah, I’m into grunge man…Nirvana and Pearl Jam talk to me and speak my pain at the ripe age of 15 dude.”

But what of the early 2000’s? I guess Hip Hop had more “hop” and distanced itself from being “Rap” at all. Booties were being more shaken towards
the end of the 90s, and I was on board with JT in bringing Sexy Back. 2000s was just straight up pop- even tunes that were meant for a guitar became too poppy. Nickleback became soft-gay-rock and Staind was doomed once I heard them on the Top 40s stations.

This is the dawn of Pop people…hold on to the classics like Metallica and hope that they never do American Idol. Thanks to that show all we get now is
crap-pop.

Guitar Hero and Rock Band are doing their part to hold on to the old riffs, but I can’t imagine them inspiring people to give me good music. Sigh.

Where’s that new Ke$ha song lemme go try and make my booty pop to it?