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Another Disadvantage of being Brown

Being dark has many disadvantages. Sure, some folk politely say “gee I’d love to have your color, Brownman.” And I refrain from saying “yea but you’d never want to actually BE Indian. Just steal my color like you did my land and still remain white.” But I don’t for fear of an uncomfortable silence where I’m forced to say the obligatory “I’m just playing, I love white people.”

Sorry. Didn’t mean to get so deep. But it brings me to my point of why being this dark is a disadvantage.

Ashy skin.

I mean, c’mon. As if I don’t have enough to worry about being dark – I need to worry that my dark chocolaty skin can be frosted by a white ashy crust? So annoying. This ashyness just sneaks in and snatches onto my elbows or feet. It’s as though my own dark skin is rebelling against being dark by ashing out!

I’m sure the white folk out there would just loooove that, aye?

I Heart Camels

Brownman : Bellies! check out my reply to our Muslim’s friend’s comment regarding the hacking of his facebook account and the spam messages sent under his account… I said something like “don’t apologize, anyone could have guessed your password as ‘iheartcamels’”
u checked it out yet? Bellies? Bellies u checked it out?

Bellies : lol

Brownman : i wonder if its offensive to still make fun of our old Muslim from high school with camels?

Bellies : who cares

Brownman : like maybe his wife will show more skin if he doesnt get rid of us as FB friends…she’ll expose her nose

Bellies : LMAO

Brownman : then he gets all mad
and stones her to death
look what i have started
all cuz i said he hearts camels

Bellies : LOL

Tex Mex : LMAO! he hearts camels jajajaja

Indian Font

Fifi: Why is that deli called “3 Hands Deli”? Think it’s because their Indian and in India…well you know, they have random limbs?

Brownman: Why they gotta be Indian people?

Fifi: The deli sign’s font. It’s in Indian.

Brownman: So that’s a font now? “Indian Font”?

Fifi: Or Hindu

Brownman: Wow.

Fifi: Doesn’t it look like Hindu or Indian font? C’mon. You know it’s true.

Brownman: Don’t think it’s actually called “Hindu Font” either

Fifi: I’m gonna look it up. I bet it’s Hindu origin or something
Fifi: Oh look…see? Hindu. (she points to a store that has Indian-like structures in the picture below)
Fifi: Well not Hindu font this time, but Hindu stuff on top

Brownman: Wow, I hope I remember all this for the blog

Friendly Advice on Love

A friend of mine is lost when it comes to dating.

[17:12] Brownman: i recommend marrying interracial
[17:12] Brownman: same race is just too boring

[17:13] Noodles: LOL
[17:13] Noodles: my sister is married now.. cousins are married now…
[17:13] Noodles: I’m in the spotlight

[17:14] Brownman: yikes pressure
[17:22] Brownman: dont marry an actual indian from india if it came down to that…make sure he’s americanized somewhat
[17:22] Brownman: get the stank out, u know?

[17:22] Noodles: lol
[17:22] Noodles: has to be an indian?

[17:22] Brownman: well spanish is all about themselves and the tang
[17:23] Brownman: whites are 50/50 crap shoot..they may live with mom or use u as a toy
[17:23] Brownman: blacks…nuff said

[17:23] Noodles: hahaha

[17:23] Brownman: whats left??

[17:23] Noodles: All asians are out?

[17:23] Brownman: well the yellow kind
[17:23] Brownman: maybe a jap
[17:23] Brownman: maybe
[17:23] Brownman: but there’s like 1 every 5 years that’s decent
[17:24] Brownman: and well italian…we know they’re still bitter over chinese inventing pasta
[17:25] Brownman: so that’s a world war 3 waiting to happen

[17:25] Noodles: hahahaha
[17:25] Noodles: i’m doomed!

[17:25] Brownman: yea…i’d turn lez

Crackering Cracka

Fifi’s very white mother is quite oblivious to a few things. She’s very innocent even at her age and still has a lot of slang to learn. While sipping on alcohol Fifi, her steppops, and sister spent a good 10 minutes reexplaining what a “cracka” is. The derogatory kind of “cracka”. Not me, I felt way out of place to explain what us minorities call her people. She absorbed and accepted that she is a “cracka” and not “cracker” as her people would use the “n” word in the same sense.

I did defend my Indianesque people though- we don’t use “cracka” or “honkey” to describe Caucasians. Nay, we simply say “the white mon” or “them white people”. I think we’re one of few races that actually respect the whites since we have a common enemy.

Oh no, people! Not THAT common enemy! You’re so racist! We love blacks too! Sheesh. I meant AIDS.

Wind Hitting the Turban

I saw a funny thing for the first time. A dude with a turban in a convertible. I know white people let their hair down and have the wind run through their hair carelessly. What do turbaned people do? I’d worry about losing that thing.

But I guess this is the modern day version of carpet rides? I mean Disney taught me with Aladdin that even the turbaned can ride with the top down.

Kissing Rituals In Cultures

We were driving home when the topic came up.

“Brown Man, you’re going to have to explain your father!” Fifi (my Irish fiancee) exclaimed.

“Mmm well he’s dark and weird for starters…hard to understand…”

“No…I understand him better than some of your other family members actually because he talks slow. But I need to know how to tell him ‘bye’…”

“Mmm just say ‘lata nigga’ and he’s fine.”

“No, I was saying ‘bye’ to everyone at Virginia Beach and I went through the motions. I kissed your mother, aunt, male and female cousins goodbye just like when you say ‘hello’ to them. But your father, I went to kiss him on the cheek like how I’ve seen other girlfriends of your cousins do to bid farewell. When I went to do it he extended his hand for a shake, so I extended mine but by that moment he had a fist out. So I shook his fist.”

“That is awesome! I don’t even know how to handle my father. You’re fine. You don’t want to get into a Seinfeld situation anyways…you kiss him farewell just one time, then you’re obligated to do so all the time. Fist pound him next time.”

Methinks minorities and foreigners do the whole kissing hello and goodbye than whites. Fifi had to warn her mother that my mother is a kisser-helloer when they met. I think my father is actually anti-everything, the man doesn’t like interaction in the first place. He barely can return a hug whenever I thank him for something.

Hold Up…Where’d You Get That Rupee?

Fifi (fiancee) gave me a 10 Rupee bill saying “I thought you may need it.” After I forgot to laugh I began to wonder- what Indian man has she been seeing for 10 Rupees per session? So help me if she’s bringing in any less 5000 per session…converting to US dollars is key here.

New Neighbors!!??

After 2 years, the new house next to us seems to finally have sold! What does this mean for Brown Man in his little city?

-I am grateful that we got up the fence last year, with no one moved in we were able to put the fence up taking 6 inches away from the new house next door 🙂 It is a noble thing to do, since we were the one to have paid for it anyways

-I think the neighbors are Christian, judging by the huge Mary statue set up outside. We live in an identical new house, and in the same spot where Mary lies, we put up trees in our front yard. Hope the neighbors don’t take offense to our lack of religious display

-These neighbors might be white, I caught a glimpse of a dude in his car in the driveway and he looked light skinned. Fifi (fiancee) advised that they can still be Italian, Persian, or Indian based on the gaudy mailbox on the top of their steps. I pray to that Mary statue that there not be rowdy teens

-Fifi and I will need to have sex in the backyard ASAP before they move in entirely. We are privatized from the other 3 surrounding neighbors except these new ones. Crap

-I can no longer dump all the grass I mowed onto their backyard

-I thought of using their outdoor faucet to water my lawn, guess that idea is shot

-I will need to explain to them ASAP that I have a huge friend in Bellies before they get frightened

Fingers crossed on good neighbors!!!