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Loss in the Family

My poor wife recently lost her grandmother over the weekend. Not cool, but we’re glad she’s off in a better place with her husband who passed 9 years earlier. We were also glad to have seen her off on her journey before passing; naturally it broke my heart to see the entire family so broken. Her death was swift and unexpected while in the hospital, but it helps that she didn’t put the entire family through months or years of being ill: certainly a toll on everyone at that point.

My wife’s grandmother was a huge Boston sports fan. She bided the family adieu early Sunday AM, and on Saturday the Bruins just came off a double OT win and the Red Sox beat the Angels out on the west coast an hour or 2 earlier.

Brownman: celtics also had won yesterday for your granmoms. good for her

Mrs. Brownman: aw that’s right

Brownman: write down which NY team doesnt win for me if im the first of us to go. then please send an angry letter to them. drop multiple “C” words for me. i like that word

Mrs. Brownman: lol ok

Slow Day at Work

Isn’t it great when you are at work with literally nothing to do or nothing you want to start doing, and then it dawns on you: Oh! I didn’t check one of my mail accounts in 2 hours! It’s a great feeling, almost a true welcome to junk e-mails and what not because you have found an extra 5-10 minutes you can kill just by browsing what’s in the ol’ inbox. Companies must hate me. I open their e-mail, acknowledge that they have this great sale online, and then delete their trash. I just wanted to see what fun colors and message they are spamming me with in hopes that when I ex out of my e-mail, 7.3 minutes have gone by.

I’ve Seen Things Man

This morning we were left with no other option but to take Fifi (fiancée) to the hospital. Fifi has a wicked virus that won’t go away for a few days now. What was she told to take? Tylenol and Advil. Needless to say we ended up in the emergency room 2 days after seeing the doctor that makes more money than all my 2 readers combined.

7 hours in a room with 3 withering patients can make you start making deals such as:

-Beat me with a blunt object the second I begin to wrinkle
-When God doesn’t accept my deal to keep me young please ship me off to an oven
-Don’t let my kids clean my poo

There was an old lady that was sound asleep until later in the day when they put Fifi in the hallway to wait out the rest of her stay. Through the window I saw saggy skin flap in angst as she tried to get out of bed before a nurse convinced her to urinate in the diapers she already wore.

There was a guy that refused to go home when Fifi and I were begging to leave. This dude swore he’ll just end up in the hospital again, and the nurses agreed because he continued to drink but in the interim, he was cleared for discharge.

But nothing topped the crazy spazzing dude next to us. I swear, if Fifi allows me get to his physical state I will ascend into heaven and divorce her ass prior to dropping off to pergatory. He had a tube in his nose, could not talk nor move without help, and clearly was not able to walk in ages…see the picture below. Zoom in and you’ll see, that’s homeboy’s toes all curled and spaced out (it’s the foot to the left closest to the camera).

He gurgled a lot, made freaky moans…I was ready to use him for a Halloween party. Him and his gurney were invited.

And to top it all off, we saw a woman that’s way more huge than that Precious chick. She was just one square block plopped onto a gurney lying there in pain. I felt like I was in a carnival. Guess life can always be worse.

Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, MJ

Bellies: ed mcmahon, michael, farrah. all dead
Bellies: granmama, my mother in law, alive and kicking
Head: lol
Brown Man: LMAO

That Was Awkward To Say At A Wake

My final story about the wake I went to last night concludes with an awkward story the pundit told. The pundit is the “priest” of Hindu, and he was the one performing the words and prayers last night. People were going up to say their kind words of the old lady that had passed away, and the pundit would say some filler words until the next person volunteered to say their piece. One lady had finished her recollection of good times with the now deceased grandmother of my friend, then the pundit got on the microphone and said:

“Thank you, she was certainly a good person indeed. Now that we have a moment I did want to mention an article I read on the internet, which detailed what to do when you have a heart attack. You cough violently, which sort of artificially kick starts your heart and allows you to save precious moments until the ambulance arrives.”

Needless to say the old lady died of a heart attack. Fifi (fiancee) and I discussed after the wake how weird and out of place it was of the pundit to say something like this…almost to say “this woman could have easily avoided death”.

But still, good to know in case of a heart attack.

Post Funeral

So I’m growing up as a boy, forgive me for not knowing too much about funerals and protocols/etiquette at one. It was weird when I got there today for the funeral service. You had the close family in front, but in the back were most of the guys. Typical West Indian gathering. At a party the dudes hang out by the bar and the women are the ones dancing. Here, the women stuck together crying while my father and the other dudes were no where to be seen in the room.

It was a Hindu funeral, so next steps would be the cremation where everyone drives to the funeral grounds. I had to bail early to make a phone interview for a job I don’t feel to confident in getting. It’s a fitting day for a funeral too- it is pouring here in New York today.

Preparing for the Dead

I write here as my balls fry under my laptop wondering…what do I do at the wake tonight? It’s a wake for my friend’s grandmother whom I’ve known my entire life…that I can remember at least. I have been to maybe 2 wakes total, one maybe a few years back. I don’t get freaked out or moody over the 2 dead bodies that I’ve seen, but I just wonder what the protocol is. Fifi (fiancee) says you just show up, pay your respects, and bounce.

What’s my respects? Like, do I go up to the body, say “Hey..so uh…how you’re feeling?” I hope there’s a few people before us so that I can pretty much follow their lead. Luckily I know who is family to the deceased so I won’t follow them to the tooth if they’re in front of me bawling.

Then there’s the whole “I’m sorry” and “I know how you must feel” thing that you say out of force of habit…but I hope I can think of something better or less generic. Because those lines are reserved for the people that don’t know the family of the deceased- but I grew up with these people so I need something snappy and heart felt. Like “she’ll be missed, but I’m hear for ya champ.”

I even had to ask Fifi what exactly I should wear to a wake…as I get older I have a feeling I’ll be going to a lot of these.

Friend’s Grandmother Passed Away

I got word from my sister today that one of my groomsman’s grandmother passed away last night after 2 heart attacks. This woman was a nice lady- I grew up next door to the groomsman and spent quite some time hanging around his grandmother as we BS’d in the backyard.

First thoughts to myself while my sister explained what happened?

“I got decent funeral clothes I think…gosh I haven’t been to one in ages…is that like the same clothes you wear to an interview? Hmm, she was on the wedding list…guess we have time to figure who gets her spot…”

Sigh. I’m such an ass, I know. But on a serious note, this note being hours later of course, I texted the groomsman my sincere apologies. I didn’t want to chance the phone call in case he’s working right now unlike myself.