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Pass this over

Sorry for the hiatus from blogging. I can’t decide if this is fun anymore. But I digress.

No, I’m not Jewish so I wasn’t celebrating. But funny you brought that up. We got this chick at work that is all-of-a-sudden Jew because she heard that there’s a free trip to Israel if you are in fact Jewish. I’ve referenced her as “English” in the past. English has become hardcore Jew since her trip from what I’m told, even though her mother isn’t the one who’s Jewish.

In her out-of-office e-mail this past Tuesday, she put “I’m out of the office for Passover…” Really? You gotta let the world know why you’re out…especially ‘cause of Passover? What if that offends me?

Which it should offend me. I mean, when she left for her Passoverings Monday night she let us all know she’ll be out for Passover but still working late at night. As she said good night a coworker replied “happy holiday”. I wanted to say “yea, thanks for killing my savior you hoe”.

Hmm, maybe I do like blogging. Very therapeutic.


Farewell Limewire

For all us minorities, we have lost a major force in our culture. It is called Limewire, the free software that allows us to “share” music. Granted, I know it isn’t fair to use this program to “share” music for free while gypping the artists that put out the music…but what minority doesn’t want a “steal” of a deal? I am against buying an album for only 1 decent song…and I don’t like paying the tax for 1 song via iTunes. It’s stupid- Apple charges you $1.29 when we all know that it’s $1.09 when you charge proper tax on $0.99 items (minorities hit up the Dollar Menu from McDonald’s a lot).

Limewire is being investigated by the Government and the software is shutdown. Whoa is me. Please leave your suggestions as to where I can turn to. Thanks.

Technical Difficulties

For my past few posts you’ll notice high-lameness. I refer to pictures in the post and you see nothing. This is due to the WordPress App for the iphone. It has been the lamest app ever, and I apologize for wasting your time with senseless posts. I will not just post from a computer at all times. In the interim, I am deleting this gay app.

Toilet Talk: My New Phone

I believe this is my first blog from the thinking tank on my new iPhone 4. It’s only because I am in a different restroom that I finally took this opportunity to blog-n-dump. This restroom gets better reception on the already crappy AT&T 3G, so I am able to blog while I bombs away.

It’s 8:39AM and already I have a neighbor in the stall next to me. I can see that I should hurry this blog along before he smokes me outta here with his fiery cannonpoopballs. Although he’s now wiping despite me not hearing a turd fall at all. Guess he had early morning swamp ass and he needed to just squat and clean.

Anyhoo, the main reason for this blog is to show where North is (see pic below from my phone’s compass). North seems to be at my crotch and slightly to the left. One needle points at another, which makes my phone kinda gay but I love him no matter what.

New: Rate my posts to help with feedback!

Brownman: k u can now rate my blogs

Belliesl: lol

Brownman: it’ll help me tell whether people wanna hear more about poop or cunts…u decide, America

Toilet Talk: Rough Night with Fever and MTV Movie Awards

Sitting on the toilet I have time to decipher what was real or not from last night’s dreams and episodes. It was a rough night. All day anything I ate was immediately converted to poop- almost like the reverse Midas Touch. I then tried to hit bed but it was beyond hard because I was both hot and cold. Oh, and in the background the MTV Movie Awards were on.

Which made it impossible to sleep. Not because it was good- nay, the show sucked with Tom Cruise as that Les whomever character from Tropical Thunder. Fifi (fiancée) couldn’t understand why J-lo was there dancing with him…perhaps the two had nothing to do ad needed to get back in with the younger crowd? Whoa, just dropped a deuce finally, please hold.

So yea, the award show had nothing but bleeps and curses that got through anyway. Why? If it were done for laughter, I think they missed the mark because in most cases any actor going up their to curse was swearing for the sake of swearing. And each loud bleep didn’t help me fall asleep.

I actually woke up twice last night in pools of my own sweat- just bizarre for the Brownman since I don’t usually get under the weather much. I got up at around 12:30 AM to change my soaked clothes. Was I imagining the Award Show sucked? Perhaps I was too fevered-out to realize its brilliance?

I recall the bad guy from Harry Potter was trying to give his acceptance speech but Will Farrell and Mark Whalberg kept talking over his speech…almost like Kanye hogging Taylor’s spotlight. Maybe that’s the thing to do now…but it was just annoying and as funny as a 13 year-old trying to be funny. They just aren’t.

Sigh. I didn’t hit the can as hard as I’d like. I guess the Poop Midas Touch is gone…

Happy Anniversary

Today marks the 1 year anniversary of when I got laid off for the first time in my short work career. It marked the beginning of the worst summer of my life. It also sparked the renewal of my blog, making it 1 year old. I have had 2 jobs in 1 year, and if I did the math correctly, that means I have made acquaintances of 2x the number of assholes than I would at just 1 job in 1 year. Divided by the dividend of pi, that sums up to a huge plethora of bathroom stories and people not protecting their asses from the public toilet bowls.

In this year we have laughed, cried, and peed a little in our pants. What will the next year bring? More visitors and friends I hope- forward my blog to your peeps you lazy asswipes!

Speaking of ass wiping, I have a current problem to share. Last month I played a game of football and the ball jammed my middle and pointer fingers- on the hand that I wipe with. Now, each sitting at the bowl is a very painful one unless I lightly wipe and hop in the shower. I can’t apply pressure as much as I want, and it would feel weird using the other hand- who has heard of “the stranger” method being applied to your rear?

So yea, happy 1 year Brownmancity! You, my brown friend, are ashy when you don’t apply cream after a shower.