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Another Disadvantage of being Brown

Being dark has many disadvantages. Sure, some folk politely say “gee I’d love to have your color, Brownman.” And I refrain from saying “yea but you’d never want to actually BE Indian. Just steal my color like you did my land and still remain white.” But I don’t for fear of an uncomfortable silence where I’m forced to say the obligatory “I’m just playing, I love white people.”

Sorry. Didn’t mean to get so deep. But it brings me to my point of why being this dark is a disadvantage.

Ashy skin.

I mean, c’mon. As if I don’t have enough to worry about being dark – I need to worry that my dark chocolaty skin can be frosted by a white ashy crust? So annoying. This ashyness just sneaks in and snatches onto my elbows or feet. It’s as though my own dark skin is rebelling against being dark by ashing out!

I’m sure the white folk out there would just loooove that, aye?


History Lesson

[08:47] Tex Mex: ok, so i will start with this
[08:47] Tex Mex: which ethnic group do you think has the hardest time determining if a child is theirs. Blacks? Orientals? Indians? Hispanics? or Blacks?

[08:48] Brownman: hispanics
[08:48] Brownman: cuz they doing everyone and everything

[08:48] Bellies: blacks
[08:49] Bellies: cause they dont know who the baby daddy is

[08:49] Tex Mex: although funny Brownman, i meant a serious answer
[08:49] Tex Mex: not about baby daddy
[08:49] Tex Mex: about being able to look at a kid and really have an easy time seeing that the kid looks like them
[08:49] Tex Mex: I’d say blacks with orientals soon to follow

[08:49] Bellies: blacks

[08:50] Tex Mex: and by the way, i believe Brownman is biased towards hispanics
[08:50] Tex Mex: my opinion

[08:51] Brownman: based on all the kids these days…primarily the cheating hispanics…why wouldnt they be the ones trying to determine who the baby daddy?
[08:51] Brownman: oooh
[08:51] Brownman: oooh
[08:51] Brownman: my bad…didnt read Tex Mex’s full comment
[08:51] Brownman: lol
[08:51] Brownman: yea- asian

[08:54] Tex Mex: prime example of his biased thoughts towards hispanics,
[08:54] Tex Mex: i am shocked that u actually speak to me considering how u think of my ethnic background

[08:54] Brownman: know why im angry at hispanics today?
[08:54] Brownman: cuz of saved by the bell
[08:54] Brownman: and that college years episode
[08:55] Brownman: where slater finds his chicano identity
[08:55] Brownman: hate that episode

[08:58] Tex Mex: lmao

[09:01] Brownman: of all the races
[09:01] Brownman: who do u think makes the most noise about where they are from?
[09:02] Brownman: pride is one thing, but i mean…annoying noise

[09:02] Bellies: hispanics

[09:02] Brownman: agreed

[09:02] Tex Mex: WELL US, OF COURSE
[09:03] Tex Mex: See the reason why is that its inscribed into our inner selves to never forget where we come from
[09:03] Tex Mex: Bellies is a rare case

[09:04] Brownman: i agree one should never forget…well those that are born here cant remember
[09:05] Brownman: but i mean…i feel hispanics make it seem like they had struggles
[09:05] Brownman: and i feel like one of the biggest struggles were blacks
[09:05] Brownman: well original blacks
[09:05] Brownman: not current blacks

[09:06] Tex Mex: well ironically so did hispanics, spaniard dominance of the southern and central american lands was also like slavery faced by blacks here in the US of a

[09:15] Bellies: history

[09:16] Tex Mex: YES, HISTORY

[09:19] Brownman: cute

New Found Friends

Side note: I have high school people I am “friends” with on Facebook that are in fact, black. And the mere fact that Facebook considers them “friends” rather than what I openly call “acquaintances”, I think I’m once again allowed to say the “N” word. With caution of course. If it’s friendly banter I’m after, then the “N” word should work just fine in a public setting as long as I am 500 feet or out of earshot from the next black human. Whichever comes first.

Holy Crap: Am I Breaking New Ground?

I only know of our New York office, but so far…I am the darkest person in the office! My people…we have fought so hard to get to this point. I mean, the backlash from the people who got mad at us for owning liquor stores and Dunkin Donuts…the anger towards us for excelling in real estate and turning a profit by being superb accountants. Now…I have broken new grounds in an office of about 30 people as being the darkest one there!* My people would be so proud!

*Note: the cleaning crew, janitors, and door men of the building do not count

Never Forget

Look, I am for the remembrance of our fallen after 9/11. I will never forget. Will you? Probably not unless you are that into yourself or didn’t own a TV the last 8 years.

But friggin Social Networks like Facebook make sure all your friends let you know they didn’t forget. Oh, a quick “I remember” statement would do the trick and I’d move on. But these bastards are writing their story of that day. Yah, the play-by-play of what they were doing when the Towers were struck. Way to make it about you guys. Some friends. Shoot, I posted my status on Facebook as me going on a man date today!

But what’s interesting is that my man date is right by the Towers. So clearly I’ll have no chance of forgetting. Great day for a man date.

My only 9/11 story is not even worth telling- except the part where I originally wanted to go down there to see what was going on after Howard Stern announced the attack. I guess my natural reaction is to just act like a white person.

Sigh. Here I go, downtown. To the WTC area. An Indian guy who will be mistaken as Muslim. Going downtown on the most anti-Indian day ever.

Why Prove The Stereotype Right?

We got onto The Dark Knight ride yesterday at Six Flags. It’s one of those rides that prep you with a story line onscreen before you go on the ride. Naturally part of the fun at an amusement park is waiting on the neverending lines so they did not disappoint. To help aleviate the pain the park provided TV screens as you wait with various promos.

They showed a Rhianna and Neyo performance, and guess who began singing along? The only black girls in the crowd. Conveniently positioned behind the pair of ears located on my head.

Right before you get onto the ride there’s a screen that shows your face and throws up a Joker face on you. Cute. The black girls began dancing and posing and “wiling out” when they saw themselves on the screen. Not cute.

Crackering Cracka

Fifi’s very white mother is quite oblivious to a few things. She’s very innocent even at her age and still has a lot of slang to learn. While sipping on alcohol Fifi, her steppops, and sister spent a good 10 minutes reexplaining what a “cracka” is. The derogatory kind of “cracka”. Not me, I felt way out of place to explain what us minorities call her people. She absorbed and accepted that she is a “cracka” and not “cracker” as her people would use the “n” word in the same sense.

I did defend my Indianesque people though- we don’t use “cracka” or “honkey” to describe Caucasians. Nay, we simply say “the white mon” or “them white people”. I think we’re one of few races that actually respect the whites since we have a common enemy.

Oh no, people! Not THAT common enemy! You’re so racist! We love blacks too! Sheesh. I meant AIDS.