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Loss in the Family


My poor wife recently lost her grandmother over the weekend. Not cool, but we’re glad she’s off in a better place with her husband who passed 9 years earlier. We were also glad to have seen her off on her journey before passing; naturally it broke my heart to see the entire family so broken. Her death was swift and unexpected while in the hospital, but it helps that she didn’t put the entire family through months or years of being ill: certainly a toll on everyone at that point.

My wife’s grandmother was a huge Boston sports fan. She bided the family adieu early Sunday AM, and on Saturday the Bruins just came off a double OT win and the Red Sox beat the Angels out on the west coast an hour or 2 earlier.

Brownman: celtics also had won yesterday for your granmoms. good for her

Mrs. Brownman: aw that’s right

Brownman: write down which NY team doesnt win for me if im the first of us to go. then please send an angry letter to them. drop multiple “C” words for me. i like that word

Mrs. Brownman: lol ok

Women Give Men Oral Cancer


As per this article:

http://articles.nydailynews.com/2011-02-22/entertainment/28639602_1_oral-cancer-hpv-vaccines-cervical-cancer

Black dudes were always right. Don’t go down on a bitch.

“Researchers found a 225% increase in oral cancer cases in the U.S. from 1974 to 2007, mainly among white men… The more oral-sex partners a man had, the greater his cancer risk”

What if it’s a dark dude with white chicks? Guess it doesn’t really matter because the darker you are the less likely you are to engage in much oraling. I mean, sex is just good. Why put your woman at risk for a UTI or yeast-escapade when your penis is probably one of the more cleaner parts of the body, sans balls.

Women Ain’t Entitled


I’m not happy how entitled women are feeling these days. F that. I get to the elevator, and by default I’ll let the ugliest most fattest broad in the world get on before I do. But these hoebags get there and don’t even wait for me to offer my spot on the invisible line for the elevator. They cut me off and walk right up to the doors when they hear that “ding!” What kinda bullspit is that? They do the same crap when they walk on the streets or wait to go up the escalators. Skip me as if I’m some Third World worker. Bitch, I make more than you by default because of my tiny pecker- back of the line like the ugly slut you are.

WTH I like Avril


Brownman: “all my life ive been good but now
Brownman: im like
Brownman: whhhaat
Brownman: the hell”
Brownman: oh that avril and her catchy ways

Mrs. Brownman: what?
Mrs. Brownman: oh Avril Lavigne
Mrs. Brownman: u weirdo

Brownman: suck these nuts wench
Brownman: furry too
Brownman: till i manscape saturday

Pregnant Chicks be Crazy


Brownman: ok here’s a good one
Brownman: cupcakes
Brownman:for this dude’s bday at work
Brownman: seems like a happy time
Brownman: HAPPY time!
Brownman: Pregnant chick at work says: this cupcake should help me get over my $400 bill
Brownman: then she walks over to another chick at the office to begin the bitching ALL OVER AGAIN
Brownman: where’s the friggin gun
Brownman: where i ask u
Brownman: i dont complain
Brownman: WOMEN make me complain!!!!!

Mrs. Brownman: LOL damn what was she complaining about?
Mrs. Brownman: oh her insurance still? The one where no one cares about except for her husband at most?? She still complaining about that from this morning?

Brownman: 4:02 PM. yea!

Mrs. Brownman: damn tell that bitch to stfu

Women Complain 75% of the Time


Look it up. Go ahead. Women complain because they get a bigger response than if they said something positive. Couple that with the female-love to talk, then BLAMGASMO! super-talking-orgy is in full effect. From http://women.webmd.com/guide/do-you-complain-too-much:

“”Michael Cunningham, Ph.D., a psychologist at the University of Louisville, observes that humans’ taste for complaining probably evolved from our ancestors’ way of crying out a warning when something threatened the tribe. “We mammals are a squealing species. We talk about things that bother us as a way of getting help or seeking a posse to mount a counterattack,” says Cunningham. True, we no longer have to buddy up in the face of menacing saber-toothed tigers, but venting our everyday grievances to receptive listeners (a.k.a. expressive complaining) helps us feel validated and supported. Says my friend Tracy, mother of two daughters: “All the moms in our playgroup complain a lot. Venting helps us to feel less alone and less guilty about our frustrations as our kids go through the terrible twos.””

Evolve further bitches. At work, I guess you’d expect a woman to complain at their workplace to a few confidants that share their common enemies and disdains. But work is just a common ground for further complaints. Food, husbands, and the most popular: people’s behavior. You’d think these chicks would be careful in who they complain about and to whom- but nay.

The Brownman gets to observe these nagging dunts (dumb cunts) blab day in and day out about any and everything. I estimate that 75% of all topics are primarily a complaint. Go ahead. Put me to the test. Count the times you spoke to a woman, and try to estimate how much of each dialogue involved complaining.

Don’t bother estimating with a pregnant chick though. It’s impossible to find the one convo that isn’t a complaint and you’re left with a skewed number such as 101% of the conversation being complaint city.

Fellas. You wanna know how you can win over that new girl you’re dating? Gauge who she hates and ask how that person is doing. Memorize a song and see how far you can get through it in your head before she stops.

I’m Awake Now


It’s 4AM EST. I’m awake. “But why, Brownman? You don’t have to be up until 5:46AM as per your alarm clock…”

You’re correct, fictional commenter. But why don’t you ask Mrs. Brownman over there next to me in bed why I’m up. Oh wait, she’s sound asleep. Well good for her. But unbeknownst to her, it was the Mrs.’ fault your hero here lies awake. You see, the mofo elbowed me in the right eye as she turned in deep slumber.

I literally saw a bright flash as she did it. I’m awake. In in pain. Thanks goodness my balls where not in jeapordy either.