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Another Disadvantage of being Brown

Being dark has many disadvantages. Sure, some folk politely say “gee I’d love to have your color, Brownman.” And I refrain from saying “yea but you’d never want to actually BE Indian. Just steal my color like you did my land and still remain white.” But I don’t for fear of an uncomfortable silence where I’m forced to say the obligatory “I’m just playing, I love white people.”

Sorry. Didn’t mean to get so deep. But it brings me to my point of why being this dark is a disadvantage.

Ashy skin.

I mean, c’mon. As if I don’t have enough to worry about being dark – I need to worry that my dark chocolaty skin can be frosted by a white ashy crust? So annoying. This ashyness just sneaks in and snatches onto my elbows or feet. It’s as though my own dark skin is rebelling against being dark by ashing out!

I’m sure the white folk out there would just loooove that, aye?


Women Give Men Oral Cancer

As per this article:


Black dudes were always right. Don’t go down on a bitch.

“Researchers found a 225% increase in oral cancer cases in the U.S. from 1974 to 2007, mainly among white men… The more oral-sex partners a man had, the greater his cancer risk”

What if it’s a dark dude with white chicks? Guess it doesn’t really matter because the darker you are the less likely you are to engage in much oraling. I mean, sex is just good. Why put your woman at risk for a UTI or yeast-escapade when your penis is probably one of the more cleaner parts of the body, sans balls.

Pop Farts

First thing in the morning, I prefer to not smell crap. I mean, yea I’ll smell it on the way to work ‘cause I’m in the city. But not at 9AM in our work restrooms. I know that most men have a schedule and it’s really my fault for deciding to wash my hands when I got in to work BEFORE eating breakfast…but I can still complain. 2 of 2 stalls were taken, so that gave me a concentrated poop-smell that will forever haunt all my senses…even sight. I saw the smell…and now everyday at 9AM I will see the AM vapors surround my Pop Tart.

Pregnant Chicks be Crazy

Brownman: ok here’s a good one
Brownman: cupcakes
Brownman:for this dude’s bday at work
Brownman: seems like a happy time
Brownman: HAPPY time!
Brownman: Pregnant chick at work says: this cupcake should help me get over my $400 bill
Brownman: then she walks over to another chick at the office to begin the bitching ALL OVER AGAIN
Brownman: where’s the friggin gun
Brownman: where i ask u
Brownman: i dont complain
Brownman: WOMEN make me complain!!!!!

Mrs. Brownman: LOL damn what was she complaining about?
Mrs. Brownman: oh her insurance still? The one where no one cares about except for her husband at most?? She still complaining about that from this morning?

Brownman: 4:02 PM. yea!

Mrs. Brownman: damn tell that bitch to stfu

Protocol for the Bunghole

[17:34] Tex Mex: after u poop, do u ever worry there is something left behind?

[17:34] Brownman: duh

[17:34] Tex Mex: or some left inside the area u can’t clean?

[17:34] Brownman: i assume its dirty
[17:34] Brownman: why kid ourselves? aint anything that can clean it as best as you like
[17:34] Brownman: except a shower
[17:35] Brownman: or finger popping urself

[17:35] Tex Mex: so what do u do
[17:35] Tex Mex: how do u clean

[17:35] Brownman: what do i do? i pray Mrs. Brownman dont wanna bone and take a shower ASAP

[17:35] Tex Mex: at work…how do u clean
[17:35] Tex Mex: up to down or down to up

[17:36] Brownman: wait which way is down
[17:36] Brownman: isnt it “back to front? front to back?”

[17:36] Tex Mex: well right; “front to back” or “back to front”

[17:36] Brownman: oh ok i thought u were hanging from the stalls wiping ur ass
[17:36] Brownman: i wipe front to back
[17:36] Brownman: away from the balls
[17:37] Brownman: that area is still not compromised
[17:37] Brownman: i may not be able to bone right away, but if she wants to offer oral
[17:37] Brownman: im good to go

[17:37] Tex Mex: LOl
[17:37] Tex Mex: LOL
[17:37] Tex Mex: but have u ever cleaned
[17:37] Tex Mex: and went to bathroom and just decide to clean, do u have that happen?

[17:38] Brownman: wait…just go to the bathroom just to clean?
[17:38] Tex Mex: yea 

[17:38] Brownman: not poop
[17:38] Brownman: just clean
[17:38] Brownman: if i know im gonna get oral pleasures i do

Serious Stall Issues

I have blogged before about a toilet that doesn’t work correctly at work. It’s a situation where the sensor doesn’t recognize you and the flush button doesn’t work. But if the other stall is taken and you really gotta spew musical notes from your hieney, you gotta squat like a man. 

What sucks is that one time I totally forgot this to be the case. So I hit the stall and was faced with the need to droppa ‘shima. And with the functional stall occupied I just proceeded to drop. And without changing up my plop-plop-flush routine to crap, I was faced with the need to flush and the inability to do so. 

Which meant I had to stand up and lean forward before the toilet would flush itself. And that ran the risk of drip. Yes I know. It was a mess and acrobatic act all in one. 

Getting the Goods Out

Sometimes I need to preface my schlong prior to taking a leak in the winter due to all the layers I wear. That includes a layer of boxers, pj pants, and jeans. That’s 3 holes before I can evacuate my urine-lined bladder and in an emergency I can easily drench a layer if I don’t time bathroom trip in time. A true issue later on in the day when I go from urinal to urinal looking for a clear one that doesn’t have remnant pee. 

Naturally I play a game of “Find the Wang” every morning when a path isn’t set for the first urinal visit. The winter doesn’t agree with the cold New York male.