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The Adventures of Brownman and Darkie: The Record Shop


There’s a record shop Darkie and I used to frequent back in our college years. This was when records were more of a commodity and CDs were still at $16 each- MP3s from Napster and Kaaza were a mere dream at this point. Naturally, Darkie and I were very poor as young adults with no jobs so we did what any dumbass would do: physically steal the music before being able to steal digitally a few years later via internet.

The one place we went to would have Indian music as well so it was a second home to us. Well a home you steal from. Though I did steal from my parents’ rent money when I was in 2nd grade so yea- this was home to me. There was this lady there one time we went who was watching the store, she was no younger than 45. Sweet older Indian lady.

“Hey, aunty…what’s the best music you got out right now?” Darkie asked When you’re Indian any older lady is “aunty”. And she will in all likelihood never be referred to as “hottie” or “sweetie” because older Indian ladies do not age well. They hit the wall so hard that they are second only to Asians in wall-hitability.

“Well I’m not sure they just left me here to watch the store for a bit so I think-” I didn’t even wait for her to finish her story. I had a pink bag that already had older records in there and off I went browsing the store for new stuff. There was a section of CDs that I immediately proceeded to and dropped any and everything into the bag. The pink bag is rather iconic for New York- it’s from a store called “Conway”, known for it’s bigger pink bags that can comfortably hold a nice stash of stolen items.

“Yea I am just parked outside and I have to keep feeding the meter. It’s about to run out too…would you mind taking this quarter and putting it in for me?” Darkie and I looked at each other at that point and stifled laughter.

“Sure aunty, I’ll be right back.”

At that moment Darkie was no longer my wingman so I had to cease all the bagging of goods and proceeded to talk to aunty. When he got back he took the bag from behind my back and did his own bagging.

We left laughing up a storm and didn’t make 1 single purchase. The poor old lady did what she could but we were too big of douches to care.

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