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A New York Minute


I had an interesting minute. I had no incident in the restroom…nice relaxing bowel excavation. Even my biggest fear in there went smooth- my pants are missing the hook that latches the two sides to close. Instead of closing them that way I use an inner button that is almost impossible to close but secures my pants to remain on my waist rather well. I feared that buttoning my pants this way would be difficult with the splint on my hand. No issue.

So I exit the restroom just fine but lackadaisical – I mean I did just have a great calming dump after all. But with great poop comes great error in judgment. I didn’t pay attention when I turned the corner and bumped into a guy who was also turning the corner coming from the opposite direction. It was more awkward than just bumping into each other though. I was aware that I was about to bump into him so I stuck out my arms as did he and well…we ended up grabbing each other by the biceps and I swear we must have looked like we were embracing. More awkwardness is added when you throw in the speed we both were going at…we stayed in that embracing position for longer than I’d like…5 seconds?

We have covered approximately 20 seconds now as approach my cubicle coming back from the restroom. And as I approach it I hear Cunt of a boss and a coworker going at it…all I hear is “there you did it again! I thought I said I don’t want you rolling your eyes at me!”

“I will take care of it.”

“What is this rolling eyes? Are you in kindergarten?!”

What a New York minute.

Here’s the IM coworker sent me when their fight was over:

[11:21] Coworker: shes so fuckin annoying

[11:21] Brownman: “she” is so vague in the workplace
[11:22] Brownman: but i assume you meant Cunt

[11:22] Coworker: i dont think I ever hated someone so much
[11:23] Coworker: i am almost to the point were I wish her ill

[11:25] Brownman: wow…that doesnt even seem like u
[11:25] Brownman: she is making u turn evil

[11:25] Coworker: its not
[11:25] Coworker: I am thinking bad shit
[11:25] Coworker: stuff thats never even entered my mind
[11:25] Coworker: EVER
[11:25] Coworker: mean shit man

Later on in the day Cunt decided to set up a recurring meeting every morning with Coworker for 15 minutes to “bullshit” so that they can improve their communication. Genius.

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