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Brownman’s DJ Gig

The Brownman DJs parties once in a while like many minorities. I’m not the greatest, but I did the best I could with a sprained pointer finger. I actually tried DJing without the splint I have on it now but the pain from it being in a set position for a few days was too unbearable. At one point during my DJ gig I accidentally stopped a song because the clunky thing touched a button on my mixer. I think that will haunt me for a long time.

But onto the wedding I DJ’d! It was a mixing of many races that surely I must have SOME stories. We knew the bride and groom and some of the people at the wedding…

>Mrs. Brownman has beautiful blue eyes. No, not the Indian hazel that you see in the movies or in your Accounting Department. Remember, she’s white so she has awesome blue white-people eyes. She was getting her makeup done among many Asians who were also getting dolled up for this wedding. As blunt as they are, Mrs. Brownman was still taken aback when one older Asian lady said: “Ah, the makeup makes your eyes pop! You no see them before, but now- now we know your eyes blue!”

A younger Asian person corrected the oldie: “What do you mean? You always knew her eyes blue…they’re the first things you notice!”

Oldie: “No no, NOW they pop. Makeup makes the eyes pop NOW!”

Ah older Asians and their backhanded compliments…or blunt conversations, whichever will work fine here.

>I had to announce the tables that were allowed to go up and serve themselves at the buffet. There were a few tables that the maitre d’ didn’t allow me to call for a while because the line on their side was way too long. A while passed, I admit, before I pulled the maitre d’ and asked when I can call them.

“Oh, they got up already. They said they couldn’t wait.”

Later on I went to the table because Mrs. Brownman was sitting there and I joked with the other guests “hey guys! I see you all are eating despite not being called…”

“Sorry, Brownman,” said a Spanish guy of the bunch, “we’re minorities. Brown people go eat.”


>Another Spanish guy we know, we’ll call him “Corona”, passed by the DJ table multiple times. He stares at me figuring I already knew what he was doing as he would never be on the dance floor supporting my DJ efforts. After a few times I caught on- he’d pass by again on the way back to his seat with drinks in his hands.

“Why not man?” he said, “it’s free!”

Ah my fellow minorities. I’d do the same thing…but instead I’d also be on the dance floor leaving my drinks half-consumed all over the place knowing I can just grab a next one when I’m ready.

>The “man of honor” – a gay Asian dude who served as the maid of honor – caught the tossed bouquet. Prior to that the groom’s nephew, a 8 or 9 year old little stud, caught the garter belt. I still made the little boy put the garter on the man of honor. Sick? Probably. Great photos? Likely!

Later on in the night the boy came by and I asked if he had fun putting on the garter. He said it was funny. Then he asked me to choose a photo of him taken from a rented photo booth to keep. Not sure I need photos of a little boy but I picked one where he wasn’t with family members and he signed it for me. Thanks I guess?

>I got a song request from some Asian guy for this up and coming song “No Speak Americano”. I thought that was a good choice to get some new music injected to this cliché-laden wedding. So I play the song.

And Asian guy is just bumping from his chair while everyone else on the dance floor tries to decipher what this new sound is that penetrates their ears. I assumed Asian guy would be dancing his ass off due to the excitement he exuded from his chair…but alas, there he stood while flies tried to avoid flying into his pointy hair.


2 Responses

  1. I can’t believe your site is googable.

    As far as your dj’ing, your good. Good job! Even though “love shack” isn’t exactly my thing I can appreciate good pacing and music choice(for the people who are there).

    Its upsetting that you didn’t appreciate the dancing I was doing for you. The drinks where just a bonus on the way to the dj table.

    • I optimize my site for the keyword “porn” so I guess we know how you found me Corona…

      And your dancing was so limited that the old folk on hand out-danced and out-love-shacked you! Want to make it up? Send a video of you handling some dance moves.

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