Beached Whales and Their Moon

This past weekend we hit New York’s Jones Beach. Traditionally this beach has been kind to us…we always sit in between the flags that don’t allow swimming in the water which meant less people to cramp our area. But just because you can’t swim in this area doesn’t mean you won’t find a beached lesbian whale that hasn’t tried.

Let me explain.

We were returning from taking a walk on the water when something caught my eye. And I pointed it out to my sister and fiancée. They too were in shock as I yelled:

“Look! Big full moon! Ahhh!”

Two Spanish chicks, mammoth in size, had pulled down their bikini bottoms and fully exposed their oiled bare asses. And they heard as I yelled in shock and only began jiggling their asses in amusement as though they were back in their rundown Queens strip club. These big mooners had set up camp right in front of us maybe 30 feet away, which meant their bare ass was within view of the ocean.

Later on they flipped over and exposed their breasts…well, I dunno. Is it “breasts” at that weight? Looked more like running melted butter atop pancakes.

Kids and soon-to-be-divorced husbands kept staring. And I don’t blame them, it clearly wasn’t in adoration. Nay, there was horror in everyone’s eyes. Do you turn your head from a car crash? Can you stop watching birds humping? Are you really going to continue watching TV when your neighbors are fighting outside with foul language? No! You have to look at least a few times.

Especially when they begin rubbing oil on each other and later on ice cubes. We determined these chunky monkeys were likely lesbians. And they sure loved the attention. And I began infuriated with the porno industry. How dare they depict lesbianism as something awesome and tender? My first lesbian experience was tarnished with beached whales.

Below are iPhone pics. The second is as best a zoom in as I can get with my 1970’s version of the iPhone. I recommend you burn your eyes after looking. Needless to say, we are done with Jones Beach. The area we were in required clothed genitalia, especially around kids. Yes, even if the women were hot lesbians… they could save that stuff for the parking lot by our car.