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Toilet Talk: The Holiday Swoon


As I write to you, fair reader, from behind the door of the bathroom stall- I wish you a Happy New Year! I am personally trying to keep a 20+ year old resolution right now and hope that I’m shitting away inches from the waste- I
mean “waist”. Post holiday is the worst time to start trying to lose weight- I’m used to eating 5 meals a day for 2 weeks straight, now I’m trying to tell my body that I was wrong.

I don’t think I’ve ever lost more than I have this past summer- over 10 pounds while I had the time to exercise with no job. Sigh. I almost gained all that weight back over the holidays. I lack discipline and Oreo cookie-control.

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2 Responses

  1. Do the brown thing. Eat spicy curry til your forehead rains and your ears bleed. 5 pounds easy. Maybe 6 if your nose bleeds too.

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