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My Bike Ride Adventure

I just came back from riding my bike, because as I told the cat “I’m going crazy just sitting here!” and she gave me the look that seemed to say “what do I care? I shit and you clean it, life is good.”

So I decided to explore the local Long Island area, see what’s around since I never did that in 2 years here. I felt safe thanks to my iPhone with Google maps…if I get lost I’ll just Google my way out of it. Thing is, the area seems well groomed and very homely. No one was out as I assumed they all had jobs. Then all of a sudden I realized I was passing by homes down one long road with no chance to make a right turn. I needed to head in that direction to get back home. I decided to just ride it out.

Then I began to see people. The race demographic seemed to have jumped from white to black without warning. Okay, calm down Brown Man. You are safe. You are brown. But the air began to taste ethnic too. Then all of a sudden I ended up on a road that had an African restaurant (what do they even eat that warrants their own restaurant? Do they serve the food that we send over to Africa in crates??) and across the street was a cemetery!

Egads! I pedaled as fast as I could but the cemetery didn’t seem to end…I rode alongside it for at least 10 minutes. I was worried that a funeral would be just ending, where a fallen gang member was victim to gang war violence. I pictured the funeral ending and one of the gang leaders huddled around his homies.

“Yo son, this is BULLSHIT! Dwayne was NOT supposed to go out like dat!! I want whoever done this DEAD!”

Then the misinformed token Hispanic gang member would say “Holmes, I heard from Pedro that the Indians on Liberty Ave and 110 did this bro! The Indians!”

“Then get DMX on the phone. We roll out NOW.”

And as my scrawny ass rides past the commotion they’ll see me and beat me down to send a message. Needless to say, I ended up surviving this. But I felt super safe riding on a more familiar rode and in the opposite direction of 3 speeding cop cars with their sirens blaring. No joke.

Riding back I did encounter a senior citizen on a bike. If you thought they sucked on the road, try riding behind them on a sidewalk. This dude swayed everywhere despite me coughing loud to alert him that someone was behind him and may even mug him.

That took up a good chunk of the day. The cat looked up from the couch to acknowledge that I was alive and went back to sleep. I will never ride again without a plan- Long Island does not adhere to New York City rules.


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